Still debating what to do. Mentally imploding but so immobilized. Overwhelmed despair mostly, but surges of agitated desperation to make it all stop. The visions this brings on would not succeed.

It would be up to me to go in. Literally, not just choosing whether or not to go. Getting on the bus, walking in, having to talk. I don't know.

Trying to distract myself.

Avoiding dealing with triggering things, because they would set off the agitation. It'd make the decision more clear, but high potential for calamity. It's all already more than I can handle.

Starting a thread would be futile, because there are so many aspects I can't bring myself to talk about.

Sorry. I should shut up already.