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Originally Posted by missbella
A third possibility for T1 is that HIS behavior is compulsive and unconscious, meaning his reasons for continuing can't be categorized.
I think the bottom line is to get away from immediate harmful situations and to look at the "why" of it at leisure. A couple of catty women are part of a non-therapy group I'm in. Both women have actually sought me out to inflict nasty words and gestures, likely to impart they're the new Queen Bees in town. Admittedly I obsess on their nastiness which often whirls in my head. (Knowing the "why" doesn't help.) But outside my head, I'm resolved to disengaged, to withdraw the negative attention and provoked responses they seem to seek from me.
In other words, my strategy with them and my inner world are two different things. I don't need to figure this out to get out of harm's way.
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"A third possibility for T1 is that HIS behavior is compulsive and unconscious, meaning his reasons for continuing can't be categorized."
Thanks for this! Honestly, I've never thought about it this way. I'm so scared of him being "evil" (I watch too many lame movies) that sometimes it's hard to just accept what's going on as simply what is going on. And that he might not know, either. Can you see why I'm hesitant to ask him? This could have way more to do with him than me. Last session, he went into explicit detail about buying his first dirty magazine at age 14 and how over the moon he was about it. He told me how he drew a pic of a flaccid penis and gave it to some girl in 6th grade. He's had these issues forever, it seems. Sounds to me like we are both transferring old wounds onto each other. Maybe instead of predatory or evil...he is just lost.