I feel where you are coming from. When I first started having episodes of depression (30 years ago) I never wanted to stay on any antidepressants long term. When something happened to cause me to become depressed I would start taking the pills again then after a couple of months wean off them.
Eventually my Dr. switched me over to EffexorXR. I have been taking it for probably close to ten years. Twice I weaned myself off but found out that taking it even when I felt I didn't need it seemed to keep me on a more even keel emotionally. Plus, when I did have an episode of depression I was able to get over it faster by staying on the Effexor daily.