I do experience periods of elation; heightened sexuality, heightened ability to enjoy myself, the world speeding up, the need and thirst to experience things, extreme creativity, and of course the need to spend money. I imagine I am a much better person to be around too. Still, there seems to be a limit to this great mood and, unlike mania, I have a high degree of control.

Great anxiety has always been a problem that I have had all my life. Great therapy (CBT) and some good medication have been of recent success.

Perhaps it is the lack of anxiety mixed with the lack of elation that combine to worsen the depression as that is all that's left.