So I haven't slept in 2 days, Im super panicky and anxious and just not in a good place. It's been really really hard for me to leave my apartment lately. I've become really withdrawn.

This past few days I've really been obsessed about the giant scar I now have running the length of my forearm from my suicide attempt in April. It's thick, red and ugly. We are having some warm days now and I don't tolerate heat well but I feel like people are constantly staring at the scar and it makes me want to freak out on them.

I don't know whether I'm having trouble accepting the fact that I did this to myself or if I'm worried about people judging me or pitying me but I'm becoming more and more obsessed with it. The irony is it bothers me so much I start thinking about suicide again. Which rationally I know makes no sense.

I don't know how to deal with this. I'm so embarrassed by it and feeling like people stare makes me want to lash out.