I can definetly say that I feel like an incomplete person, lacking in certain human traits and memories. It's so bad that we look inept, stupid, incapable, clueless....but we are smarter than most of the people we meet. Our IQ has to be phenominal for we the student quickly becomes the master surpassing and teaching the master. Quick to grasp theories, multi talented in arts, science and engineering, procedures, intent, structures, be very calculating and systematic....but can't love, laugh, live.....or do all that and walk around like an air head.

I'm on my fourth (and final I hope) divorce and seperation. I'm done. We are so divided over human relationships. One will like or love and the Others would hate while expressing their opinions making it obvious.

We enter a relationship one way and exit as another. This sucks. As far as family, they suck, too.

I'm alone. Nobody could be "prosecuted" in our case. I dissociate (why? Physical defiency? Trauma- don't know)...then endured 18 years of yelling, threats, bullying, physical emotional and mental abuse by Mom and Dad...nothing sexual. Just a lot of red bloody raised skin, pain, pleading for my life crawling away bouncing off walls and grabbed for more, ridiculed, debased, rejected, scape goat, hated, beat.....we were just a shell of a person in our teens. Then harrassed, chastised, made fun of, laughed at, threatened, teased in public school because we were so weird. We should and tried to be dead but not everyone wants to die, so we plow on enduring life's worse..... a form of self debasment, self-harm, hate...

Triggers now causes certain responses like ritual abuse. Certain vocal tones illicit a particular response. People pick up on it and use it against me, then laugh. Even at 48 my father says words or a tone then I find myself doing things, reacting totally not the way I wanted to as an Other steps up to please....so we don't talk.

Perps of abuse won't get prosecuted over just the word of a mentally ill patient, I just can't see it without physical, photographic evidence....and most stay hidden.