Hi Barbel,
Welcome. I am back myself after a break and I can tell you being here is very helpful. It's a nice place.
I am glad that you found the beauty in sharing.
I was abused myself and I feal I have "gotten over, gotten thru, dealt with it, etc." I also find that at certain times it just pops up. I deal with it best I can and hope it goes quick. Thats all I can do. You can't expect to completely overcome abuse, you can only try to move beyond and conquer when it rears it's ugly little head. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are not a failure.
Don't hate yourself. You have come a long way. You have dealt with your abuse and made a good and decent life for yourself. You won't lose it. You just have to fight with the demons again.
Keep coming to our "group therapy", it does help alot.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley