T, I am hugely angry tonight. I tried to talk to h about what my sis in law said about my brother struggling with self doubt over his newest promotion and how surprised i was to hear that because I never knew he doubted himself, because he always DOES the things he doubts himself about and succeeds, and how I need to learn how to do that. H says "Well it just means that you don't really want to do it. If you really wanted to, you wouldn't doubt yourself." that felt like such a blow to me, felt like he doesn't believe in me AT ALL, and I couldn't even respond to him, I went to bed instead of trying, and I tried to fall asleep but couldn't, I heard him begin snoring in his chair in the other room not even 5 minutes later and I just pounded my fists against the wall until pictures fell down and I cried - I hate him SO MUCH sometimes - I feel like I am at a critical place in therapy right now, like it's going to go one of two ways, I am on the verge of either just letting my Self go back to sleep, calling my old pdoc to go back on medication, and go back to being numbed-out and emotionless and feeling-less like I was before I came to you, where I don't care anymore about the things I want for my life.. OR I am going to start doing what I want to do with all the fierceness of Athena and tell my h to go f himself. I can no longer live in this land of in-between.