You should not have to put up with someone blaming your mental illness for her reason to avoid sexual intimacy. How you described her, she sounds controlling and unreasonable, all while making herself out to be a victim somehow. If one has trouble keeping up with another's sexual urges, they should both find agreeable solutions. All successful, balanced relationships work through communication and compromises, but it seems you have been doing all of that while she has not. I am sorry that you are neglected while feeling ashamed to ask for sex.

If this problem is purely based on attraction, then in my humble opinion, I think perhaps you need to find a new partner. Nothing will improve in this situation if it is about superficial issues, and she knows it too, but she may still be with you for security reasons.

Question. When did she start saying these things, and did you notice any behavioral changes before, during, or after work? How about on the weekends? Other than avoidance, I mean.