Quote:
Originally Posted by Prism Bunny
You should not have to put up with someone blaming your mental illness for her reason to avoid sexual intimacy. How you described her, she sounds controlling and unreasonable, all while making herself out to be a victim somehow. If one has trouble keeping up with another's sexual urges, they should both find agreeable solutions. All successful, balanced relationships work through communication and compromises, but it seems you have been doing all of that while she has not. I am sorry that you are neglected while feeling ashamed to ask for sex.
If this problem is purely based on attraction, then in my humble opinion, you need to find a new partner. Nothing will improve in this situation, and she knows it too, but she may still be with you for security reasons.
Question. When did she start saying these things, and did you notice any behavioral changes before, during, or after work? How about on the weekends? Other than avoidance, I mean.
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To be honest, after work I don't even bother now, she's so tired- she works 9-10 hour shifts. I just show her I love her in other ways like cooking dinner or buying flowers.
She sometimes leaves me little notes when I'm at college and she messages me that she loves me throughout the day. We generally work as a team in our relationship, but I think sometimes it's too stressful for her to feel intimate. So then I mention it and it becomes more planned and she doesn't like that. I don't know if some of this is to do with my past abusive relationship- he would literally wake me up to have sex with me even when I didn't want it. But despite that overstepping my boundaries, I got through because "atleast he fancies me"
Which is something she told me I really need to get out of my head, stop basing her attraction to me on wether we have sex.
I also asked her if the issue is more with her, and she said "you're not the only one who doesn't feel attractive, I don't always feel fanciable either. It's not always you that's the problem, it's me too"
So I suggested we both join a gym together and we can do things that makes us feel better about ourselves together. We both feel that this could be a good step