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Originally Posted by Waterbear
We do use text but mainly from her to me. She replies by text when she has seen my email but hasn't got time to reply. I mainly text to tell her I have sent an email if I feel it is really important.
I sent an email yesterday with no text and asked if the poem she sent was personal, from her to me or whether it was just a poem she thought I would like.
I wanted to text this morning just to ask her to tell me she wouldn't send me away and that we could talk about it on Tuesday but as I was crafting it she text me saying that she thought I would like the poem because it symbolises the therapeutic relationship. That's a very half way house to my messed up mind and makes me feel that it isn't real.
I am lost now and not sure if I can do this. I need her to be direct and real but it doesn't appear that this is what she wants to be. The ideas are all there, but that is all they are, just ideas and theories.
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I really hope your T can be direct and real. It's so important for complex trauma survivors / survivors of child abuse, I feel.
Could you put it in a letter / email and ask for her answer? I know it's scary like hell and I myself might not even dare...
I'd say give it some more time to figure out the relationship? Then see if she's the right T for you?
So sorry that you're hurting. It's a really cruel double-bond for people like us, I feel...to be so wounded and to desire a "good enough" parent and yet for what is given to feel half-way, ineffectual, not enough... and yet if T was warm like we craved, it might be terrifying too, because there's always also the fear that it isn't real.
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Do you text now you know the boundaries? I think I would be better off back on my own, shut off from it all, than having to do all of this back and fore. I wish we could get on the same page. I miss my old T.
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Yes I do text, since she explicitly said I could. I would love replies but I do know I won't get them. It's probably better for me that I don't get replies as a blanket rule.