Thanks, it is hard yes. I will write that letter and I will go on Tuesday and try to talk about this. I was spiralling into oblivion but as a last ditch effort sent an email to old T (she us still there just not as my T now, we are still transitioning really). Just reaching out to her, even knowing she won't respond probably until Monday was enough to calm me down so I could get an hours sleep or so and I feel better now. She made me believe I am not completely alone in this world. Even though we had minimal out of session contact and strictly one hour a week I could sense that she genuinely cared and that has made all the difference to me. Rambling, sorry, I will stop. Thanks for listening.