Four years? You've got to leave... you know that, right?

I understand that it's hard, and that you feel attached. But, what are you getting out of staying? She doesn't sound like she's helping you at all... in fact, she sounds really terrible.

Some people have had success in seeing another therapist on the side, while seeing their first therapist, and using that as a way to get away from the first one. They talk to the 2nd one about the relationship, get some perspective/help understanding it, and at the same time, see what a good, caring therapist looks like. The 2nd therapist can also be a source of emotional support for leaving the first one. Would something like that help?

Usually, I'd say that you should talk to your current therapist about the issues you're having with her, but this one sounds so over-the-top bad, honestly, you really should just get out.

And, is it possible that part of what's difficult is it's replaying a situation from your childhood? Sometimes, we get pulled in to something b/c it's familiar, it may not feel good, but "familiar" is often, in a weird way, comforting... because it shows us that the world is predictable and works as we expect it to. How does her behavior compare to how you were treated growing up?

Good luck. I hope you can find someone who can help. I'm still searching for a good therapist too, it's astonishingly hard.