Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2
I can definetly say that I feel like an incomplete person, lacking in certain human traits and memories. It's so bad that we look inept, stupid, incapable, clueless....but we are smarter than most of the people we meet. Our IQ has to be phenominal for we the student quickly becomes the master surpassing and teaching the master. Quick to grasp theories, multi talented in arts, science and engineering, procedures, intent, structures, be very calculating and systematic....but can't love, laugh, live.....or do all that and walk around like an air head.
I'm on my fourth (and final I hope) divorce and seperation. I'm done. We are so divided over human relationships. One will like or love and the Others would hate while expressing their opinions making it obvious.
We enter a relationship one way and exit as another. This sucks. As far as family, they suck, too.
I'm alone. Nobody could be "prosecuted" in our case. I dissociate (why? Physical defiency? Trauma- don't know)...then endured 18 years of yelling, threats, bullying, physical emotional and mental abuse by Mom and Dad...nothing sexual. Just a lot of red bloody raised skin, pain, pleading for my life crawling away bouncing off walls and grabbed for more, ridiculed, debased, rejected, scape goat, hated, beat.....we were just a shell of a person in our teens. Then harrassed, chastised, made fun of, laughed at, threatened, teased in public school because we were so weird. We should and tried to be dead but not everyone wants to die, so we plow on enduring life's worse..... a form of self debasment, self-harm, hate...
Triggers now causes certain responses like ritual abuse. Certain vocal tones illicit a particular response. People pick up on it and use it against me, then laugh. Even at 48 my father says words or a tone then I find myself doing things, reacting totally not the way I wanted to as an Other steps up to please....so we don't talk.
Perps of abuse won't get prosecuted over just the word of a mentally ill patient, I just can't see it without physical, photographic evidence....and most stay hidden.
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Hello again. Yes, holding abusers accountable is difficult and often never happens. I do think you should stay away from anyone -like your dad- who choses to keep hurting you. You need to protect yourself from toxic people, dont you think? And I do know how hard that is when family is involved. Who wants to comepletely go it on their onw?
And yet, sometimes it is the only way to keep from continued abuse and harm-- we need to divorce ourselves from the family we have because the family is so destructive. In my own expereince, my child's desire to be part of and expereince an accepting approving loving family was so strong that for years There was a part of me that kept trying to change or 'fix them.'
Only when I got away from these people was I ever able to clearly see what was going on and only then I could begin to approach therapy for what turned out to be DID. I truly do feel for those people who were so harmed by their primary caregivers when thery were young and most vulnerable so that now they aer trying to live without really ever expereincing what it is to 'grow up in and as the individual that was there in the first place.'
Therapy I guess comes down to having a therapeutic relationship that can work to repair the damage to the childs trust that was violated and broken in the first place. I do think that all DID people are DID because they instead fo growing up into themselves , before they ever got to expereince who they were as people, they had to spend all their time surviving ina serious defense mode.
I wish you the very best in your new single life. Maybe this will work better for you, giving you time to be there just for you. I wish you the very best.