hopealways,

I'm so sorry this happened.

There was some meanness in his letter, but I am glad he at least explained himself-and it was pretty clear it is mostly about him/his issues that made it unworkable. Especially the line about undermining his authority (what an ***$%&^).

And I don't think he meant your attachment was 'unresolvable'; it sounds like he was saying your attachment to him was unresolvable because he didn't know how to work with such issues and due to his own issues which I give him some credit for admitting too.

A lot of us with attachment trauma have big needs, but there are some who can work well with our issues. And i think a lot of people, including the therapists (well that's an understatement--i am finding they are often totally clueless) is that the therapy setting and relationship opens pandora's box to attachment needs that are sometimes repressed for years, even decades. And the memories of the past that proliferate can be the emotions of a 2 year old, a 5 year old.

People who don't have these issues have grown up and slowly dealt with them all of the years. Those who didn't, were often little adults, needs repressed. When this is the case, therapy may be the first time the client is experiencing those needs. I think it might be helpful for those who don't understand to try to imagine feeling like a 5 year old in an adult body, having adult expectations. Your emotional development is frozen in time, and you can't expect someone in that state to act as someone with the emotional maturity of an adult. The emotional needs of young children are overwhelming to them, as us parents have experienced first hand.

If that's the case, we need help with these emotions, not punishment and scorn. Sadly, it's become increasingly obvious to me that there are not that many therapists who really get this.

Maybe that is not how it worked with you, but I'm seeing this happen a lot here. I agree with the poster who said psychodynamic therapy is best for attachment issues, but it is extremely risky, and requires someone highly trained and who has worked through their own issues. I find those are rare.

There seems to be good advice here about different therapies to try. I hope you find someone soon to help you cope with this loss. Hang in there.