I too am titrating up on Lamictal. Also on heavy doses of Effexor XR, Risperdal, Ativan, and Sleep meds. I know the pain you describe, and thee terrible fear that it will never get better. I have been fighting this awful depression for most of the last 17 years, and at times aai do not wish to keep on fighting. It would be so much easier to just give in and let it all be over. Somehow, I must find a way to keep on breathing for the next 5-10 minutes, and then do it all again.I am uncertain whether my T. even believes in the severity of my trouble. Sometimes he seems to think I don't WANT to be better. It is so incredibly difficult. Keep on keeping on, my friend...what else can we do?