It's funny how when we need the most, we push people away. I'm feeling isolated from everyone, and I'm the one who has out myself there. I can't even rightfully talk about it on here, which is why I have seldom been online.

I'm trying to get help. But I feel like everything has become too much, from getting out of bed to eating. Sometimes I feel a spark of hope, while in others, I feel myself drowning further into...I really don't know what to call it. Depression? Some kind of bleak passage? Just a hump in the road my little self can't get over?

I'm tired. I'm so drained from all this worry and trying to keep my head up that I can barely stand another day. The police came looking for me the other morning because I called a hotline and overdosed later on.

I want to not feel so trapped. And I feel so trapped and I don't even know why. Everything reminds me of her and him and just I want to be okay and know I am. I want to believe I can do it and make it through.

How do you begin to process the past? The last time I went for therapy and med management, they messed up my appointment twice in the same go around and I told them to go eff themselves. So, please, if you know any journaling prompts or workbooks to help work through the pain until I can find a decent place, that would be awwwesome.