Awww, guys, I just pictured you all in my living room and had such a surge of gratitude.
All the more strongly as I'd just been reprimanded for expressing something I'm supposed to just choke down my pain and fear about.

And that's part of it really. Not only having grown up to never ask for help, but to be "the strong one" who's just expected to somehow just silently deal with everything, deferring to everyone else's "stuff". Defer. Always defer. But that is a subject unto itself.

So when it comes to what I need personally, and it's up to me to see to it... It doesn't happen.