What I'm trying to express, is that I'd love to find an outlet for my need to talk about whatever I need to talk about for as long as I like. To explore topics and possibilities.

I do like to have some input from an audience. But, for now, it seems I need to be sensitive to the fact that I may be holding people hostage, in that they can't get away while I'm talking (in the situations I'm referring to).

One possible solution is to write books and articles, then publish them, so that, if the audience likes what I'm saying, they can pay attention, if not, they can dismiss me.

My preference would be to become the type of person who is attentive to the situation, and is cautious about how he is speaking to a captive audience. All the while thinking about the topics that come up, so that he can write about them later.

Another option is that perhaps I shouldn't care so much....and also think about and react to the reactions I get in real life, and also use them in my writings, and continue to behave as I am currently behaving.

I don't remember the last time anyone made an obvious reference (request, observation, complaint, criticism, etc)to how my speech was coming across in a group. But, I think there may have been some subtle hints, and it's the possibility of those hints that is giving me pause (and it's possible that my own embarrassment is also an accurate form of hint).