Hello ZombiePunk21: Welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! Okay... well... here's the thing... I'm an old man. But I always felt as if I should have been female. When I was young, the words transgender & transsexual hadn't even been invented yet. And any talk regarding gender or sexuality was strictly forbidden... (except for dirty jokes shared between men.) So I just grew up feeling weird & perverted. Somehow, I don't know how, I learned very early on that this was something I must never talk about. So I didn't. I kept it a closely guarded secret for decades. To a large extent, it still is...

This is, however, only part of my story. All of my life I have also struggled with depression, anxiety & other mental health problems. I have often wondered if I was truly trans... & if my inability to transition or even talk to anyone about my feelings led to my other psychological problems; or if feeling as though I was born in the wrong body was perhaps something that was an offshoot of my other mental health problems. It is something I'll never know. Personally, I don't hate my body either. It just didn't match what was going on in my mind, if that makes any sense...

The reality is there is no test for "trans-ness". Each of us has to come to a decision, in our own minds, with regard to whether or not we can live with the bodies we were born with & with the social roles society casts us into as a result. It is true that, suddenly, being transgender is almost becoming chic! But, at the same time, there are still an awful lot of people out there who are more like your bf's family than there are people who are accepting & even outwardly supportive of trans people.

The confusion & uncertainty you describe is something I think many, if not most of us, go through. Am I really trans? Is this just a symptom of a broader mental illness? If I am trans, must I transition? How will I be treated... both by my family & friends as well as by society at large? I don't know if you're trans or not. This is really a quandary you have to resolve in your own mind. And perhaps the best way to do this is with the help of a therapist who has experience working with clients with gender identity issues. (From my perspective, a therapist who is not something of a specialist in the field can do more harm than good, as it appears you have already experienced.) With the help of a skilled therapist, over time, you can tease out your feelings regarding your gender identity & draw some conclusions with regard to what this means for you. One does not necessarily have to undergo a total & complete transition if one is trans. Some individuals choose to do this. But others find that something short of this is sufficient to satisfy their gender identity confusion.

The one additional thing I will say with regard to this is that the ball of twisted wire that was my "trans-ness", plus my other mental health problems, to a large extent destroyed my life as well as the lives of others who deserved infinitely better from me. If I had known, back when I was young, what I know now... I believe I would have run toward transition. So I believe sorting this out for yourself is very important. I send you my best wishes for great success in your journey.