Thanks everyone for your answers and concerns. 'Preciate it. But I can't learn to feel these emotions. Trust me, I've tried ... with the help of my therapist ... when I was still in therapy ... My lack of feeling frustrated him to no end ...


In all three scenarios ... a whole lotta nothin'. The only time I feel any semblance of what might be called emotion is when I get something I want or I fail to get something I want. A challenge is pretty exciting too. And, when I do succeed in something, the only "emotion" I get is very short lived, and probably superficial. But I don't really know the difference between superficial and real when it comes to emotions, so it's hard to say. It feels like ... I smile a bit, for a few minutes (and a lot of my smiles are feigned) ... and I suppose, enjoy it? I don't know... it's hard to explain. And my memories are completely void of emotion. So, whenever I recall something that was by definition "joyous" and recall that I was, at the time, joyful, I don't remember what I felt... I only remember that I was smiling, therefore I must have been joyful. Does that make any sense? Is that normal?

I don't even know if the emotions I seem to have are real, or if they're simply a reflection of other people's reactions. For example ... At my aunt's funeral, there were three groups of people: the "cryers", those folks who'd rather laugh over reminiscent stories of the deceased ... and my cousin, Billy, who'd rather talk about the latest sports score. As I migrated among these groups, my "emotions" changed. With the "reminiscers" and Billy, I laughed and joked about my aunt and discussed sports teams, although I didn't find any of their jokes or stories to be particularly funny, nor do I care for sports. Among the "criers", I appeared sad and even shed a few tears. I was really close to my aunt, and I thought her to be a strong, yet kind woman. But, the entire time, I felt nothing inside.


Don't wish that. It's a very empty "feeling", and most of us end up in prison or hurting the ones that try to love us, even if we don't mean to.