i did something wrong .i know i did .something so bad it made my T rethink how she saw me and dealt with me . i dont know what it was but im sure it is something i allowed her to see in me . i really thought i was doing ok with keeping things guarded but i guess i didnt . why did i talk to her . why did i even let her even see a small part of me that is horrible . she said i could trust her . i believed her . i really thought she could handle the retched horribleness that is inside of me . my thoughts screamed at me to keep everything hidden . i knew better . now she sees how horrible i am and how drained she is getting dealing with me . no one can deal with that amount of horribleness .i knew this .i am so humiliated with how i behaved and the things i have said to her . i so sorry . even last week i was a miserable cry baby and behaved like a spoiled brat when she gave me the news i no longer made the grade to see her privately . i hear in my head her telling me about how she is taking only the long term and dedicated people who are willing to work in therapy . i knew it was crap but it felt good to believe she felt this about me even for a little while .but the pain im in now just isnt worth that small belief that she wanted to work with me . i would never fall for "i care about you" crap why did i fall for the i want to work with you and help. or that i can even be helped . i really did try to be a good client .not demand to much from her . i very rarely ever called her or sent her messages or anything . it was all ok i thought . then some crap went down with my father and i was not so good in session and then i forgot to show up for the next session . then called and asked for an extra session . now everything has changed . i feel so bad about it . i knew better and i dont blame her for backing off. i was letting her see more and more of who i am . how disgustingly needy and spoiled i am ans how selfish i can be . i did warn her but now i know she sees it big time and is responding appropriately .like anyone would . i am now just hoping she will help me get on some meds to keep me happy and then she can be done with me and i with her and hope i will at least not be a problem for anyone .