Today is the day that I stop all psychiatric medications. A few weeks ago I stopped taking Risperdal and Atavan and I cut the dosage of Wellbutrin and lamotrigine. Things were rocky for a few days but they balanced back out for the most part. I decided to go ahead and stop the rest because it is a good time at work for me to have to push through if things don't go as well as I expect them to.

I'm nervous but excited. The last few years have been so crazy for me! My PTSD was being triggered by my ex-husband on a regular basis. It took me forever to figure that out. SSRIs that were prescribed were not good meds for me. My diagnosis of bipolar came and then the divorce. Like I said, life has been crazy. I wonder on regularly if my diagnosis of bipolar is right. Were these symptoms caused by a combination of PTSD, medications, and life circumstances? I've talked a lot with my case manager about PTSD and how symptoms can look the same. I agree with that diagnosis but I am just not so sure about Bipolar Disorder.

I think once diagnosed, everything that comes out of your mouth to those who are working with you sounds like a symptom of some sort. I think people just don't want to listen. My pdoc and my T hear me but depending on the day the response is different. Sometimes they seem like they want to be supportive of my coming off medication. Other times, I hear just leave everything alone and take what the doctor prescribes. It seems that we can't find a mix of meds that truly "works." Every time I look up it seems that we are adding something else and then I end up overmedicated. If the meds are not working then maybe I don't need them! Maybe they are causing the problem rather than finding a solution.

I can tell that I didn't take the Wellbutrin today. I'm pretty sluggish. I am just going to keep in mind over the next few days that any symptoms that pop up are likely withdrawal symptoms. I am determined! I will persevere! I'm getting my life back!

(By the way, I feel that if I try this and it doesn't work then I will accept the diagnosis, take my meds, and shut up)