I'm not sure where and I think I understand what you're talking about to a degree. I go through something similar with my family fearing for my soul along with just being afraid and on edge around me. I hate it, makes me feel like I'm some sort of monster. Am I apart of the occult? No.
There is a line where what you're dealing with and what I'm dealing with are separate and distinct from one another. And don't feel bad for posting this. That's what we're here for, to help one another and that can't happen if you don't ever speak. I'm not entirely sure about everything you're talking about, though. Could you explain in some more detail?