Hey ZoopLoop,

Welcome to Psychcentral Forums You'd find a lot of support here.

I'm so sorry you lost you dad. I hope you had the support to deal with your loss.

You're in a tough situation here. Your stepdad is emotionally abusing you and your mom is brushing it off like it was nothing. Emotional abuse IS the worst form of abuse. You're in an age where you are starting to form an individual identity and so much negativity around you, about you....may not affect you that much now, but they have very damaging consequences in the long run - self-esteem issues, learning issues, body image issues, anger issues, anxiety, possible depression,concentration issues, relationship issues, problem getting along with peers....

And just because your sister is not facing emotional abuse, doesn't mean she's not getting affected by it. My mom and bro used to have awful fights and I was a silent spectator....and it only made me start walking around eggshells to avoid being at the receiving end that I've seen others be in. She's getting the wrong idea of how men and how families should be.

You really need to talk to someone.....ideally a counselor. If you have a school counselor, please do talk to them. If not, please talk to a therapist and get them to talk to your mother about what kind of environment she's putting her kids in. Your stepdad is still your stepdad, but it's your mom who brought you into this world and she's more responsible for your well-being than your stepfather. If not, then maybe your mom's siblings who can talk to her?

Instead of expecting something from your stepdad, start making your mom responsible. If your stepdad doesn't invite you for dinner, ask your mom (politely, because if you ask angrily, she'd get defensive and your stepdad will step into the argument....and you don't want that) why she didn't call you.
If your stepdad cooks dinner and doesn't leave food for you, politely tell your mom that you're hungry and you'd be grateful if she can make the simplest thing possible - say a sandwich.

Whenever your stepdad name calls you or belittles you....always do tell your mom how much it hurt you and how you felt when he's not around, irrespective of whether she cares or not.

Is your mother working? Many times women stick with unhealthy marriages simply because they have no financial stability in life.

Now as far your stepfather is concerned, there is nothing you can do improve the relationship because you are not the problem....he is. Some people love to belittle others because that's how they were treated in their childhood....they are simply repeating the pattern - this time in the power position of abuser. The only person who can do something about it - is he himself. No amount of advice to treat you better or work on his issues or throwing light on his life would make him improve.

Your mom can make him realize that he needs therapy for his issues, but for that, your mom needs to realize this herself.

However, you need to understand that, whatever your stepdad says about you, he is simply projecting his opinion about himself, on you - like all bullies do. If he calls you weak, he thinks he is a coward. If he calls you stupid, he thinks he worthless. It's not something he consciously thinks and speaks - it's what he subconsciously believes about himself.

There is very little in your hands here.

However, if you want to irritate the crap out of stepdad - the best way is to not react by being angry, irritated or looking hurt. Bullies like your stepdad like to see pain in the eyes of their chosen victim....but if you refuse to give that, he'd really be irritated.

You, SHOULD get a therapist's support as soon as possible -earlier the better. When my abuse ended, I thought I can move on with my life. But it doesn't work that way. All that wound lies in your mind unhealed, affecting every realm of your life.

If you can get a therapist now - a family therapist for you, your mom, your sister and later, your stepdad - it would really be ideal.

But if that's not possible now, then please write about your feelings - preferably a secret blog only you can see. Write about all the incidents and insults. Writing legitimizes your feelings. Someday, you'd forget the incident but you'd never forget how you feel. This blog will one immensely help you.

You can also talk to us about everything here - Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central

Practice meditation. Meditation helps you control your mind. When your stepdad goes on barrage of insults, you can, slowly, learn to control your mind not to get agitated, but stay calm till all is over.

Learn skills when you are a little older - like software coding, photoshop...online. The reason is, someday when you are able to get away from your stepdad, if you already have skills, you can get a decent job with which you can take care yourself financially (unlike physical jobs which require hard labor but very little pay and very little growth).

Good luck man....and keep sharing. All my love