Hun , Are you in any type of Therapy? Meds?

It's apparent on all the threads you have you going on so much pain , anger and hurt and on so many.... if not all levels ....

I hope that by venting all this this here is in some way helping you. But I do think you really need a Therapist to help you learn healthy way to improve your life and not just circling around and around in such a dark place.