Thanks everyone. (Mouse, how much is a stone? That must be a British measurement!)

One of my friends came to see me last night -- she brought food with her and made pasta / meatballs for us. She brought apple pie too. That was the most I've eaten lately. We watched a movie. I had told her I was falling apart on the phone the day before. I intended to tell her more about how I felt, but I wasn't really up for it. She didn't seem to mind though. We talked some about her problems (she's had a number of her own) since I couldn't seem to talk about mine.

I do have a real feeling of hopelessness lately. I feel like even when I find another job (I know I will eventually -- I'm 37 so not likely to retire for life just yet!) that it will be just trying to hang on until the next disaster. That I'll likely always have to fight for work. I wasn't one of those people who knew what they wanted to do with life. I have a degree, but it's in a field unrelated to the work I do. That will likely always make it hard to find work. I wish I'd made better choices when I was young (about what to do for a career) -- I torment myself about that but what good does that do. I was young and clueless. And I have this idea in my head that I don't deserve love unless I'm more successful, and I'll never be an accomplished career-driven woman. I had some good relationships in the past, and I screwed them up. I think about my most recent ex and think that if I screwed it up with him (which of course I did) that I have no right to even hope for love again. After all he was wonderful and I was an idiot not to appreciate him more. Anyway that's a short summary of where I'm coming from these days. I've probably said all that already in different threads. But here it is altogether. I often feel hopeless. And I feel cut off from other people because of it. I feel like I might not manage to get by in life, and that even if I do I have nothing to offer to anyone else.

I was glad that my friend came over last night though. At least I could put off these thoughts for a while. And I do feel better from having eaten again. There are even leftovers! Guess I'm having pasta again for supper.

Thanks for listening. I love this board -- so very helpful!

Sidony