Granite, i've been reading this thread, and I am not quite sure what to say. It seems that you have been declining in the past months, and it makes me sad

I am confused on what exactly happened in the therapy session with your T, and i probably am confused because you are. I sort of get the feeling that you are almost always in a highly triggered state, and therefore everything you perceive is colored by being extremely anxious and activated, so it makes it hard to know what your T said to you.

From everything you've ever posted about her, she has always been consistent and kind towards you. I do think it is strange that she wants to keep you at the clinic if the appointments are only 35 minutes long. Why on earth are they that short anyway!?

Insurance companies are a b!tch. Many therapists do not take them because they are so diffficult to work with, they don't easily get reimbursed, and what they do get reimbursed is not even their full fee.

Maybe in her private practice she is only taking a select few insurances that are known to be better for her. I don't know. If you think that you would rather be in her private practice (and i agree that she knows you don't handle change well, so that could be a part of it too), I think you should go in next week and say "I really would prefer going to your private practice and not stay here, even if you don't take my insurance." I am not sure how she could refuse that.

I just am so sad seeing you beat yourself up so much. You are not horrible and awful, and you seem to be putting a lot of weight on the fact that you asked for an extra session. Those things are normal for clients to do. I have asked for one once, and I know that my T wouldn't have agreed if she couldn't do it. Your T wouldn't have fit you in so quickly if she didn't want to. She knew you were really struggling. It is OK to show her your vulnerability. It is okay to break down in front of her--i know you've had bad expereinces in the past with therapists/hospital like programs, but this is different. You are an adult, and not a teenager who is acting out.

Please, if you want to move to hte private practice, tell her.