I should add that while I am struggling with support for physical health as well as depression... The friend I have spoken about--the one that triggered my initial severe depression 13 years ago--the one I haven't spoken to for ten years--the one I reconciled with this year--the one who I treated horribly and unfairly out of intense anger born 100% from my own head from my then out-of-control depression------- This guy has not blinked about the pain I must have put him through, understood it was from my depression, stayed out of my way and how he is back and happy we are friends again--and has been my single greatest source of love and support. He is married now and his wife is just as knowing and loving and I trust her as much as I trust him, giving me two people I've been able to call and talk to so that I'm (hopefully) not overburdening either one of them.

They are not nearby so I don't get to see them often, but I have seen them occasionally and get not only the love but the support and hugs that I really need.

I wish that they were closer and had more free time but they've been able to make me feel like a priority without disrupting their lives and I am so joyfully grateful for that and for them.

I think talking about them in group therapy is part of what led them to suggest I might have borderline personality disorder (I've mentioned that here on the forums) which after some more thought and discussion does not seem to be the case for me, although I do exhibit a few of the traits so that suggested diagnosis has been helpful helping me deal with those traits. Really I talk about these friends as if they are superheroes but I am going based on their actions within really healthy boundaries that both they and I have in place. At least I think so... and as time has passed I am confident that this is so.

This whole thing started out because I fell in love with him 13 years ago and now I feel completely comfortable in our relationship and it seems so does he... he still touches me and hugs me when we are together and I am able to love him completely without being in love with him or heading in that direction.. No jealousy or competition from his wife--she knows the whole story--and as I said I trust her as much as I trust him.

As I am recovering I am looking forward to having a normal fun friendship with them--an opportunity that I locked myself out of for ten years but now have the unique opportunity to resume--just to go out and have fun with them without them being a support for my depression.