Hello Lucidity11,

What you describe is very well known to me. This happened to me a lot when I was living in pieces with DID. I would nod off and had such a difficult time trying to pull myself awake again.

Also, you say you hear a thought in your head that says, "you have to sleep." Again, this is something very akin to what I expereinced. Automatic writing and finding printed messages of protective encouragement also were common. These things all started happening more and more as my various functions/alters struggled to come out and alsmost seemed to compete with each other. It was a the time when I was first off the drugsthat I ahd been given due to misdaignosis and my mind was free of chemicals for the first time in many many years.

I think that what you describe is aprt of the disorder and how this dsiorder can be expereinced. lik eI say, I know I experinced this when I was actively DID.

You should try and find some comfort in the fact that there is defineitly a part of you that is sort of a guardian angel of sorts.(not in a religious sense but in a psych sense) This part of you works to help you in your therapy and coping and getting better.

Looking back now that I am a ( hopefully ) permanently integrated person I can see that there was always a protective part of me and that my therapist referred to this as my executive function. That particualr function wasnt a like an alter, but rather like an overseer who was aware and seemed to guide and protect and at times direct all the rest of my parts.

I hope you can get soemthing out of what I have said. I am aware that everyone is different , but in this particular case, the bottom line is that I dont think you should be afraid of this, but rather, find some comfort in knowing that deep inside you is the will to make it through all this and that part of you is trying to guide you to take care of your needs and that includes sleep.

One last thing; when I was in the last years of my therapy I was having what I called " memory dumps.' I would relive and expereince things long outside my consious reach. I had a lot of dreasm and nightmares and because these dreams and nightmares were so filled with emotion and grief I was exhausted when I awoke. I would end up sleeping for days after having these dreams and nightmares, and it took me weeks to process what I saw and felt and lived in those dreams.

Life is pretty strange and surprising and the human brain is as well.
Take care. You are an incredible person.