Tonight I have a dip in mood again.I have overindulged in eating peanuts and feel full.I also feel frustrated because I spend mostly 24/7 days alone,I visit my mum and occasionally see my niece,but other than that I get so lonely.
What with my eating problems,the depression,the loneliness and the physical infirmities on top of the mental health issues,it is all too much and overwhelming.

Tomorrow is a payday/food shop day.I feel too tired to do it but there is no way out of it cos there is no food in the fridge....I don't need a lot so will plod my way round the supermarket and get what I need.I feel low tonight and need sleep,I have been sleeping most of the day though.I guess the more I sleep the more sleepy and drowsy I get.

My frustrations are so difficult to handle, the negative emotions, loneliness, anger, emotional pain,and no one to talk to about it all,no one that understands.I had to let home help go in order to hire a gardener so the change of personnel is an upheaval,I've got to get used to a man being around which I have never had before!

It unsettles me to be honest.

I also want to go back to counselling which I can do now they said to give it three months in May and it is almost that in July.I may put money aside to start up with the counselling again.I am not sure.

I need to deal with the hurt and the wounds from the past and I need more energy,just having more energy,enough energy to do more will help me and when I have energy I feel invincible!

How will I solve the problem of being alone and the fears around letting people into my life?
Time might solve it!

Tonight I am going to rest and watch some more TV.Ring my mum later for a chat and get an early night so I get rested enough to have the energy to do the shop tomorrow,go to the post office and the bank.

My cats are indoors and settled resting,I am glad I have them they are special and they need me!

Marylinx