Hi mat4sanity

Sorry to hear your struggles, but thank you for sharing how you have survived over the years.

Like you I hit a brick wall in mid life and a lifelong "illness" had become worse, so I have been nearer self destruction than ever before.

I have had medication with limited success (although one did help a lot for 20 years until it stopped working) and some group therapy, mainly aimed at coping with the increased intensity of symptoms.

Overall there has been a little benefit, I can sometimes predict and act when something is about to trigger more problems and I have met inspirational people who also live with mental distress.

I know this is not a very encouraging scenario, but the intervention may help a little and a diagnosis may help you gain more insight into ways to cope while being more compassionate toward yourself.

Best wishes