I'm sorry Lonesome. That sounds really tough. I know the not knowing can be really hard especially when you care like you do for MC. Also I know from your other posts you've been having a really hard time, so it's horrible timing. Can you contact your T? I'm wondering if she might have any ideas for coping if you are struggling with H, or I wonder if H would be up for sitting down and discussing things as though you were having an MC session? I don't know if that would relieve the tension, I'm just throwing ideas around.