I just realized my restlessness tonight is to do with tomorrow being a supermarket shop day.I have made a list,there is no sweet stuff or junk on it and money is tight so there will be no added to the list extras as I go round.
I hope I stick to my healthy foods resolve.I am buying extra vegetables to make soups hopefully having soup for lunch with healthy vegetables is good for me!Then if I stick to healthy meals and avoid the extras when out up the cinema,say just have the coffee and not the pannini and a muffin instead of the pannini. It is the best of the options hey?
Most of it is cos I like the ambience of that cafe and like to sit in there but I can ask for a healthy sandwich instead of toasted bacon and brie!That must be 2000 calories at one go,not good!
Yeah supermarket tomorrow I think I have it sorted.I only get so tired on shopping days but I am usually pleased cos there is money in the bank and the bills get paid and any little extras I want can be bought and paid for(non food items).
I just don't want to go to bed yet tonight,like I can't face going to sleep and waking up tomorrow!I want to prolong tonight for some reason.
Is it the emotions around tomorrow when I have to go out and face strangers and hold it together round the town and shops until I get home?
My social anxiety seems to be getting worse around shop days.It is such an impersonal process,and it is going through the motions of survival to me getting the food shop in.
Kind of like going hunting for food in the stone age. I've had to force myself to do the shop when very ill with no one to help me and very weak physically so emotional wounds get opened, especially now when I struggle with mobility on top of the tiredness and lack of energy.
Add to that the problems with eating disorder and it is difficult to say the least.I will be ok I am making much more of this than I need to really,getting more and more anxious when there is no need really.
If only I could really see there is no need to be anxious and stop myself worrying,but tonight is especially bad and there is nought I can do to end this ruminating in my head.
Marylinx