I understand this. I've been cutting off and on for 16 years. I went nearly 5 years without cutting and since I started up again I felt like a failure because it no longer worked for me. It didn't give me the relief it once did. I can't even figure out why I think this is a bad thing. Isn't that what anyone in recovery wants is to find that when they relapse it no longer holds the same power it once did? Instead I just miss it. The compulsion is still there but relief is gone. I also hate the scars. I used to love them and they were a goal but maybe it's because I've grown up that I hate having to explain them as an adult.