True, we need to be independent as far as is possible purpleboots,otherwise we are vulnerable to attracting abusive people!I find I need help so instead of attracting someone to help me as a partner I stay independent by paying for home help and a gardener.I would continue to pay for this help even if I acquired a companion and hopefully that person will not be controlling and would not try to make me helpless and dependent on them like my abusive sister did in the past!I know I was codependent in that relationship ,she drained me slowly of all my power and I went from being powerful and in control of my own life to powerless and having my sister control me and render me helpless and useless.I lost my own identity,I should celebrate now that I have me back!I have that to be happy about, a year and seven months now I have been free.Marylinx