SG, what a milestone event--leaving your pdoc. I hope you are doing OK with that. That is a big step. Is there a therapist you see who is associated with your DBT?

I got my first counselor through my EAP. I told them the general problem (relationship issues) and they gave me a few names, but nothing about the approach or philosophy of the therapists. I wouldn't do this again unless I could get more info.

SG, I hope you will not focus too much on a diagnosis of BPD. It doesn't really mean anything, just serves to put you in a box. You are a unique individual with a unique set of problems, and a unique set of approaches and techniques will help you. Just because someone labeled you BPD, it doesn't mean you are somehow different today than you were yesterday. You say that reading the BPD stuff makes you feel like hope has vanished. Don't read that stuff!!! You are you and you need support right now, that's enough to know.

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The hospital facilitated the break up with my pdoc

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Did they feel he was harmful to your health? Did you ask for their help with this? (only what you want to share....)

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My pdoc said that consciously we were allied but not unconsciously. I am afraid that maybe I am not able to do this unconscious stuff if I have not after all of these years.

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A quick way to check is to look at your dreams. That is a good window into my unconscious for me. My dreams that contain my T show a strong alliance. It's always really connected in my dreams (except for the time he ran into me with a bus ). I shared a recent dream with him last week, and he said "it sounds as if you feel deeply partnered to me." That is such a therapist thing to say, lol, but yep, if the shoe fits, then wear it. SG, maybe it is not that you can't do the unconscious stuff (we all have an unconscious!), but that you just weren't allied unconsciously with your T. A problem with the match, not with you.

I would look strongly at therapeutic approach when you choose the new T. Sometimes here on PC people talk as if there is only CBT vs. Psychodynamic. But there is so much more. My T is humanistic and eclectic. Really a family systems guy. And some gestalt. Dreams. Self-disclosure. And EMDR. He has a big toolbox, but I think the most important part for me is the humanistic. His ability to be so empathetic. What is most important to you? What works best for you?

Good luck.