SG, when I first got a counselor through my EAP, I thought a woman would be best, because I thought a male would ally himself with my husband. The female aspect of my counselor was fine, just her approach (CBT) was not a good fit for me.

Then I found my current therapist, a male. I went to him because of his expertise (divorce specialist) not because he was male. I did have a few twinges of doubt because he was male, and I told him this much much later on, and as he said, "well, we put that worry to bed right away, didn't we?" And now I see that his maleness, actually, has been really helpful to me. I am coming off a 20 year marriage with no support, emotionally abusive, etc. It has meant so much and been so therapeutic to go sit with a male once a week and have him be nice to me. It's just been really healing to have a man be nice to me.

On the flip side, last week I went to go see a child specialist for my kids. She is a therapist and needs to interview the parents too. I really, really liked her a lot. She had a different view from my T, and it was really helpful to me. I also found it easier to tell her some of the sex stuff, and it was the first time we met (although it was a mega half day session). I'm not sure I would be comfortable enough with a strange man the first time I met him to spill such intimate details.

If I ever went to see a therapist again (if I terminated with my current beloved male T), I might very well seek out a female because I think I might forever be trying to recreate my current T in other male Ts I would seek out. A female T wouldn't have that to live up to. She would just be so different from my T by virtue of her gender, that I could just appreciate her for herself, instead of constantly comparing.