Quote:
Originally Posted by Marylin
I just realized my restlessness tonight is to do with tomorrow being a supermarket shop day.I have made a list,there is no sweet stuff or junk on it and money is tight so there will be no added to the list extras as I go round.
I hope I stick to my healthy foods resolve.I am buying extra vegetables to make soups hopefully having soup for lunch with healthy vegetables is good for me!Then if I stick to healthy meals and avoid the extras when out up the cinema,say just have the coffee and not the pannini and a muffin instead of the pannini. It is the best of the options hey?
Most of it is cos I like the ambience of that cafe and like to sit in there but I can ask for a healthy sandwich instead of toasted bacon and brie!That must be 2000 calories at one go,not good!
Yeah supermarket tomorrow I think I have it sorted.I only get so tired on shopping days but I am usually pleased cos there is money in the bank and the bills get paid and any little extras I want can be bought and paid for(non food items).
I just don't want to go to bed yet tonight,like I can't face going to sleep and waking up tomorrow!I want to prolong tonight for some reason.
Is it the emotions around tomorrow when I have to go out and face strangers and hold it together round the town and shops until I get home?
My social anxiety seems to be getting worse around shop days.It is such an impersonal process,and it is going through the motions of survival to me getting the food shop in.
Kind of like going hunting for food in the stone age. I've had to force myself to do the shop when very ill with no one to help me and very weak physically so emotional wounds get opened, especially now when I struggle with mobility on top of the tiredness and lack of energy.
Add to that the problems with eating disorder and it is difficult to say the least.I will be ok I am making much more of this than I need to really,getting more and more anxious when there is no need really.
If only I could really see there is no need to be anxious and stop myself worrying,but tonight is especially bad and there is nought I can do to end this ruminating in my head.  Marylinx |
Oh Sweet Marylin, I understand the panic and stress of public shopping. I am a recovering agoraphobic that still suffers from anxiety ranging from mild to panic attacks.
If I had a car, I would shop at the 24 hour Walmart at around 3am. It is very empty then. I do buy from Walmart.com once a month- if you spend $50 shipping is free here in America. Sometimes I go to the dollar store and buy 1 treat a day for an amount of days. 30 days = 30 dollars. I buy a lot of beans, rice, noodles, canned vegs etc because of the cost. I shop by price per ounce and try to stay around 9 cents an ounce, some things 12 cents an ounce - with only letting myself have 1 or 2 treats like a frozen pizza might be 29cents an ounce. Also, I have a yard, and this year am getting comfortable enough in it to try to grow a tiny patch of vegs.
Sometimes I stay up until way into the next morning for what I consider unreasonable fears and unreasonable anxiety. I call it that because if someone is prowling around the house that is reasonable fear, but my out of the blue for no reason shallow, halting breaths and stillness and quiet for reasons unknown are not reasonable, even though they feel like there is a reason. Impending doom it feels like. I don't know why I have it, or what it is. Perhaps it is part of the general anxiety disorder. I have that, and bipolar, borderline personality disorder and of course my strange eating disorder that is not diagnosed yet (I haven't stressed it to my T yet).
I haven't said some wonderful magic words to help you to feel better. If you can remember tomorrow - while you are shopping - you can remember that I am with you in spirit.
Best of luck to you.
