t,

i always think when i mess up that you're going to abandon me. but you never have. sometimes i dont get it- like, what is it gonna take? am i searching for that one thing that's gonna make you say, "enough!! no more!!!!" am i trying to push you away by doing this? what do you see in me that makes you want to keep working with me?? do you really think i can overcome all of this and heal?? or are you just feeling stuck with me bc you know how attached i am to you, and how devastating it would be to me if you did leave.

i saw you today and asked you if you are mad about me using. you shook your head and said no. you reverted back to the its your life and its up to you line. i know, though, T... i know that it hurts you when i do these things. and i am sorry.

see you on thursday

me