It was horrid hearing her saying it but it wasn't done so directly, nothing seems to be hence why I asked for that today, more directness. I told her I have been my own good mother for 20 years. It was all a bit throwaway to be honest and why we need to do more about this.

I am a completely different person at work and at home and that is because I created my work persona, it had a mother and that mother was me. I did an alright job there I think. I am successful, confident, positive, able to handle conflict (largely) I have a voice, I take action, I take compliments well etc etc

The problem is out of work where none of the above is true. It is like leading two separate lives and it is so tough. I don't even know who I am to be honest! The person I am out of work was created and brought up (if you can call it that) by someone else and that is what I need the help with. If I could do it on my own believe me I would have. I dislike asking for help so this is a big deal to me and to have it met with "you need to become your own good mother" is about one of the worst things I could hear. Why not just go back to the way it was because that is all I will ever have. All those things in the original post are loud and all I could hear.

We will discuss it and I will try to get her to tell me what is going on here.