I sometimes think of my T as a stranger, even though I know him really well. And he has shared a lot about his life with me. Just a few days ago I was feeling exhausted with sharing all this personal stuff with "strangers" in my life--my therapist, my lawyer, my kids child specialist. All hired guns. Somehow the payment aspect makes them a bit of a stranger, even though I know I have probably never been closer to anyone than my T. It's a bit of a paradox and I am OK most of the time with the ambiguity. I just accept the relationship as an unusual one--extremely close but yet a fee-based service too.

Pink, I have definitely had moments in therapy when I pushed my T away using variations on the stranger theme. Like the time before last when I was so angry with him, I said to him how I had all these problems right now in my life, I was having a hard time, and the last thing I needed was to be angry at my therapist! Then I said, I don't go getting angry at my accountant, so why should I be angry at you? Ouch. I basically compared T to my accountant. (Interestingly, my accountant and I do not get along, and I have been angry at her before, lol.) If he felt hurt by that comment, he didn't bat an eye. It was kind of a mean thing for me to say. He is so much more to me than any accountant ever will be. And he knows it. But it was just taking him down a notch, throwing the hired professional bit in his face.

Anyway, I know exactly what you mean, pink, and I feel it too sometimes. It works best for me not to dwell on it, just to tolerate the ambiguity of the relationship.