I am diagnosed with: BP, BPD, GAD and also have undiagnosed ED.

I appreciated the separate diagnosis. Understanding the different responses I have helps me to feel I have a handle on how best to proceed. I treat myself like pieces of a pie. Each slice comes from a different place within. Mostly, I just go about my days until something extra stands out as extreme, abnormal or an indicator of change. Then I try to understand which part of me it is coming from to avoid it developing into something worse.

Examples:
Unreasonable anxiety worsening to the point I change my breathing and start creating a still environment - I might take a PRN of hydroxyzine (Ararax) if I cannot mentally tell myself I am beginning high anxiety, and try to use mental or physical ways to control it.

I am outside and notice I have started a third project, or I am sitting in the yard thinking about how the trees are real beings who are aware of me and I am at one with the universe around me and God has a special target just for me, and theories of existence are........ OOOH, I am beginning the delusional part of bipolar, I need to try to get it in check, and try to focus on doing normal things, and call crisis line or my Dr if it is bad, or take an extra bipolar medication if it is really bad.

I am sooo sad. Sigh. I have messed up soo much in my life. Blah, Blah, Blah... OH! I am depressed. Well, depression isn't really being sad I have concluded. Depression in my opinion is actually my internal, subconscious will to live not working. Depression feels like a cat about to die - and I just want to crawl away and die - BUT, I know I don't want to die, so instead I wait it out if I can't work through it and ignore it. If needed, call crisis line, or Dr. or take an extra oxcarbezepine (trileptal) and hydroxyzine (Ararax). I take the Atarax for my anxiety because depression scares me and causes anxiety to heighten.

Delusional thinking - I have had so much crazy thoughts and things in my life, and they never got me anywhere except sad and failing. I am done with it. If crazy stuff starts happening, I just get pissed. You know? If there is a God or w/e - they don't need to judge me if I don't pay attention to their big messages, and I am never going to write that great novel that will open up the worlds mind to a new view because guess what - I never have. I am a genius that will die unknown. I know I am inconsistent and eff w/e makes me think it is my obligation to become more. If shadows become things I just get pissed and try to ignore them, if I get scared I tell my husband to be with me for awhile. If needed I call crisis line, or Dr. I take an extra perphenazine (trilafon) when I start feeling delusions.

My eating problem. I haven't fully addressed this with my Dr.'s. and I am still trying to understand it while abuse it a little to contain my weight.

Basically I am still processing what seems to come from a trigger (BPD, GAD, ED) and what happens out of the blue (BP, GAD, ED). It is hard for me to know where things come from, but knowing does help me to understand how to respond.

I cannot treat my different issues generically. I need to know what is happening to me to know which direction to respond. When I take a PRN of a med, I do so with my Dr.s knowledge. I handle my illnesses as professionally as I can. I document daily my symptoms.

Handling myself is a daily task. It is my job. A Dr. once asked me, "How much time does it take out of your day". I looked at him slightly aghast. "Always. Every minute". Because for us, it is any and every minute that our minds might start in some direction that needs to be led back to balance. For me, multiple diagnosis helps. I was once BP without GAD for many years. They are separate.

Attached is a pie I made for my comp desktop. It helps me to understand where my crazy of the day might be coming from. Expectation is: action caused by ideas from parent, but not chosen knowingly. I don't know where expectation comes from within me, but it can cause triggers that can set off GAD and BPD. So, I need to know if I am feeling like something is coming from some preconceived idea of who I am supposed to be or act like.