I understand your frustration. My daughter was diagnosed as being high-functioning autistic at age 3, and I was so focused on getting services for her, I never stopped to wonder about myself. Both my daughter (now 15) and I have so many problems relating to other people, and we both deal with such pervasive loneliness and anxiety, and underachievement. It really is an invisible disability. And I totally understand the rocking in the corner thing. For me, it's under my covers with my toes intertwined, stiff as a board. I'm tired of acting this part as well. Do you have any autistic friends in real life?