Hi, I hope this is posted in the right place. I can't figure out if this is sexual OCD or not. I have a lot of problems getting close to people. I'm not interested in friendships with people younger than me, only older...by a few years or by many. I just get along better with older people. If I do get close to people, or feel like I like having them as a friend, it doesn't last long. I begin to have invasive sexual thoughts about them, male or female (I'm bi), and then I feel so guilty that I just abandon the friendship. This has happened quite a bit, and I don't have fabulous social skills so it's not like I have people lining up outside my door wanting to hang out. This sort of intrusive thought process has occurred also with my yoga teacher (had to quit), minister (rarely attend church anymore), multiple teachers, and therapists. The thoughts also sometimes occur at the very inopportune time of just before I have an orgasm. Then my therapist's face is right there as I am climaxing (flying solo). I'm so ashamed about this. I cannot even look at him. I like my therapist but I think I want to quit therapy. I could never ever bring this up to him, at least not the part that has to do with him, though maybe he'd figure it out.

I wonder if I subconsciously do this to sabotage my relationships. I have thought that I have a very anxious/preoccupied attachment stance, and I am pretty uncomfortable with getting too close to people. I am married but my husband has complained that we don't connect. I have so many other issues, I'm so tired