I have bipolar 1 and I am going through a mixed episode, I am very depressed but also angry and unable to sleep. I am extremely frustrated because I can't concentrate on anything. I can't switch off.

For the past few days I have had bouts of hitting my head and face as hard as I can. Now my face is swollen with some bruising, and one ear is extremely red and swollen. I live on my own and I don't know what to do. I have one friend who knows I do this. I am desperate to hide it from my family. I am so shocked by what I have done I don't think I'll do it again, (at least in the next few weeks, I have hurt myself before). I think I could make my face pass for normal but not my ear. I will have to think of some good excuses not to see anyone.

I am worried I will end up in a psychiatric ward, as I have before. I had to come off Seroquel with the help of my psychiatrist last year as I had the beginnings of Tardive Dyskinesia. I stopped drinking a year ago as I couldn't cut down to a healthy level.

I think I'll be ok, if I can just hide for a while, but really just needed to speak anonymously.