(((HUGS)))April. Sorry you guys are in a rough patch. It seems like you answered your own question... I mean nothing is ever gonna be perfect that we must learn thru radical acceptance, but other than that you are as accepting of his issues , also able to accept your own isdues as well and aware that the intimacy in your relationship thrives the most when your SO is not stressed. And you know your needs. All the ingredients are there, so what is mucking up the works..... you know that as well... BORDERLINE SELF SABOTAGE unfortunately, I am also well too aquanted with this vicious cycle. The only advice I have is b kind and gentle with both yourself and your SO and talk to your T about doing some extra hard hitting on emotion regulation skills. (back to the drawing board..yet again. BPD is a real B****) hope things get better soon.