Thank you all for your replies, you all gave me a lot to think about.

Perna, what you said was so funny, but so true... you pointed out one of my many contradictions. This week I call him a stranger... last week I wanted to jump into the stranger's lap and curl up there. But essentially, that is why I have a difficult time accepting those feelings and sharing him with him-- because while I do want to jump in his lap, he does, at times, feel like a total stranger to me.

He seemed quite taken aback when I used that term. I didn't expect it to come out, either. The way he said, "Stranger? How long have we been working together?" was just so..... strange. I don't know. I feel like I hurt him.

I tend to get too much in my head with the over-analysis of things and I reduce things down until they barely exist. T becomes a stranger, therapy becomes pointless at times.... all because of the deductions I make in my head.

And maybe I do this to countract the wild intensity of emotions that I feel during the rest of the time.

I am so extreme that it is frightening at times. I mean, literally everything I approach is in polar opposites. Everything or nothing at all.