I'm so so sorry you went thru this. my heart breaks for you. First off YOU ARE NOT DIRTY! You are a young girl just trying to figure out your sexuality. Regardless of what you may have said or not said to this guy; he knowingly took advantage of you. He's gross and dirty. Guys like that are predators and even if you say you like something or are into something that you are not or not sure of or don't even know really, ppl like him they are not reading for cues that you are actually OK with something...unfortunately they are reading they are reading what you,are actually feeling unsure uncomfortable and they get off on pushing those insecurities to basically or over the point of rape but will always turn it around and act like your verbatim words were all they heard, so they "thought" you were fine with it. UGH! These are the most horrible type of abusers. I think most of us when we are young and figuring ourselves out end up in some situation or another where we feel pressured into something we are not quite OK with whether it's sexual, drug alcohol related, shoplifting, or defacing the neighbor's lawn etc...in milder forms we chalk it up to part of growing up, but when something happens like what you went thru, please don't brush over it. Take all the time and support and help you need to process it and heal. And don't remain quiet. That doesn't mean you gotta tell anyone you don't want to about it but, someone you trust, here is a great place to start and tho I skimmed thru a lot of the responses it does sound like you are getting outside help and care for yourself. That is so courageous of you. And idk, who or what info you told regarding the scumbag who did this to you, but I hope he ends up paying bigtime...obviously the " right" approach is legally... but in situations like this... I'm sure there is a special horrendous pit in the special hell set aside just for him and if their is eternal justice his sentence will be unrelenting. please feel free to pm me if you want to talk.. I've unfortunately crossed paths with some of these types in my life as well. Be Safe. And most importantly Be Gentle and Kind to yourself. And know that you are never alone in this not for a second, all of us are always here for you.