I'm slipping back into another PMDD episode, on top of the already severe depression I've been dealing with for months upon months. It is becoming so frustrating to have to go through this all the time. I've known about the PMDD for several years, but really never sought help for it until recently. When I first started paying attention to the patterns, I went to my PCP to get on birth control, because I'd heard that can help. It never did much, and the episodes became more and more frequent. Now I get this extreme depression every month. I got to the point where I didn't really think about it anymore, but a few weeks ago I did bring it up to my psychiatrist, and he put me on Zoloft. Well, I posted about how well that was going last week. I've been off it for just over a week, and I'm back where I started.

I'm so frustrated and angry with everything right now. I'm still angry with my psychiatrist for the way he dealt with me last week about the meds, but I won't do anything about it. I'm irrritable and ready to snap on everyone for anything. A coworker asked me a stupid question earlier this morning, and it was hard to be civil with him when I just wanted to scream that he was being an idiot. Then I've been emailing our IT person because I was having problems with the new phone system we just got, and I just can't stand to say anything more. I felt like she was implying that I'm stupid with her first reply, because it was information that is in the packets we were given about the new system. Then the second reply was information that is not in those packets, and I don't know when anyone else would have been told about it. We had a training on the phones last week, but I didn't make it because I was home trying to sleep off the Zoloft that day.

I just want to scream at everyone, and then in the next second I want to fall apart crying. I don't want to have to go through this anymore, and I feel so helpless. I think it's worse this time around because I'm trying to stop it. When I last saw my psychiatrist and he told me that Zoloft is marketed to treat PMDD, I felt like there was some hope for me, like maybe this would be the one to actually do something and would make me feel better. But the side effects were so extreme I couldn't function for more than a couple hours at a time, and now it's like I just lost all the hope I had. I've had no luck at all with any of the antidepressants I've tried, though I know it hasn't been that many. I just wonder what the point is of any of it. Zoloft was too much for me, I've been on Wellbutrin for 2 1/2 months with no effect, what's the point? I've had some serious thoughts lately of just tapering off the meds that aren't working, but I've never taken many medications in the past and I get anxious about changing anything without consulting the doc who prescribed it. But I'm still so angry about last week, and I don't want to talk to my psychiatrist again. I can't decide what I want to do. I keep telling myself that I'm going to talk to my therapist about things next week when I see her again, but I don't know if I really will. I just want something to have an effect on me, for once.